sam lovelace @lovelace@tech.lgbt

it's ok to interact with my vent posts btw... I like to know that someone's there to listen I guess

why can't I be a straightedge girl capable of maintaining relationships without hurting people

oh and on top of all of this?? I'm struggling with Adderall. I can't fucking tell if I need it to be productive bc I'm ADHD or because I'm addicted to stimulants. it doesn't even help with my impulse control at all! it makes it easier to hyperfocus and that's it but since it's been back in my life I haven't gone a day without it and I can't detox from it and caffeine for a week bc I work full-time

and on top of it all I'm just this deeply fucked up person who can't stop hurting people and makes no effort to really address the issues leading to it I'm just so overwhelmed by my own bullshit why couldn't I have had a healthier childhood why didn't I learn how to handle relationships with other people why did I have to be such a selfish asshole why please how do I fix this

I can't just willingly hurt someone like that I can't the one I cut off for a while tried to kill herself and I know I could have prevented it and it's just

there's just so much and I've broken a promise and it's a while mess and I'm terrible I fucking suck I wish I knew what to do I've lied to both of them bc I just can't let them go. I can't. I promised I wouldn't cut her off again and I also promised I wouldn't reconnect with her. what the FUCK is wrong with me

I'm stuck in this super fucked up place rn were the last people I dated in a triad hurt each other really badly and one of them is my best friend who is uncomfortable with the idea of me talking to the other

so I cut off the other without hearing her side but I reconnected with her bc it didn't sit right with me

both of these people are dependant on me and i care so much about both of them but it feels like I have to choose which one of them to hurt and I can't do it I can't just

how do I remove all horniness from my mind

just started internet service!! I'm getting gigabit babey

ppl who hate math make me sad bc math is great and fascinating and our education system needs reform

moving tomorrow instead bc of all the dang rain

but I got everything but my clothes packed up, and I moved the drives from my old pc into my new pc so expect some dumb breakcore loops once i'm all moved in <3

*starts pouring outside*
*flash floods warning*
I'm supposed to love in this

i was today years old when i learned gupi of thos moser is the son of tony hawk

homestuck was really important to me. it's a shame that the ending was unsatisfying, and we never got any sort of epilogues or sequels. what a shame.

still havent really started packing

i want uppies

i like attention

i need to get back on hrt and get hotter clothes and better lighting and a tripod so i can thirst trap