One day, everyone in america receives the same text message: "do you want a tail? y/n". Panic erupts nationwide. The pro-tail and anti-tail camps quickly align with existing political polarization. Matt Yglesias writes a 12,000 word piece titled "Why I'm Not Getting A Tail"

@prehensile I’d like to have a tail. 🐕 As long as it’s a big cute fluffy husky tail, I’m good. ☺️

@RachaelAva1024 everybody gets the tail they have in mind when they reply yes

@prehensile where do i go to pre-register for a tail. i wouldn't want to miss a second of tail-having

@monsterblue @prehensile is there going to be a tiered tail rollout, where groups that need the tail the most get it first

@astralbijection @prehensile staying up all night before the day i'm due to get my tail, having excited chats with other soon-to-be tail havers

the local and federated timelines are soon populated with cws like "tail! ++++" and "selfie, tail, no ec". apparently elon musk did something again but he gets no attention because taaaillls

@monsterblue @astralbijection president biden approaches the podium before a hushed mob of dignitaries. behind him, a white-tufted tip swishes into view. he leans forward and whispers, "my fellow americans: tails"

the crowd erupts into hysterical cheering. celebratory gunshots ring out

@prehensile What if I don't want a tail, but I want anyone who wants a tail to have one?

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