Having fun with rhythms. Guess the time signature!

Also, trying to make music is actually kinda fun??

Mental health, the world, - 

Nap helped and reading was fun (reading the anthology of short stories titled Luminous by greg egan and it's pretty good)

Holy cow though I cannnott focus on work.

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Mental health, the world, - 

Oh boy time for a stress nap, because I can't handle the state of the world.

(Gonna read some Greg Egan before going to sleep so that's a plus)

But holy shit. The world is a lot right now.

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same as above goes for these. use as you want, credit me/ bewitcharts if asked, it’s nbd!!

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Food! + 

It's gooooood

And I started a sourdough culture so I don't need to buy yeast

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More thoughts on gender identity, probably more internalized stuff, etc. 

I think I have a sort of conclusion to this.

My personal gender identity is about how I treat myself and consider myself, just as how social notions of gender are influenced by how others consider me.

So personal gender identity *does* reflect reality: the reality of how I actively interact with myself and consider myself.

Considering yourself x is as external and objective as others considering you x.

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Its okay to need a break. Struggle is a collective action. You are just a regular person, not some hero of the revolution. We are ALL just regular people trying to do some really rough difficult stuff.

Perspective and patience and continued collective struggle is important.

And that means having perspective with yourself and patience with yourself.

Burning out is anti revolutionary. And its contagious.

Protests, -, astoundingly bad takes 

Ugggggggggh my friend tried arguing that bringing in the national guard was necessary, that sometimes it's acceptable to use lethal force against "rioters"

What the hell. Valuing human life is controversial now? I'm so disappointed in him.


<- I'm positive a bunch of this stuff is wrapped up in some internalized garbage I have, so I'm sorry if I've unintentionally been an ass. I don't want to invalidate others' experiences; I'm mostly just struggling with my own.

I'd love to hear others' thoughts and experiences, especially people who felt uncomfortable claiming an identity for themselves.

Thanks ❤️

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<- Is there any meaning to a gender identity besides how the words and connotation feel to me? Is it as simple as "that fits nicely, so it's me"?

I guess at the core of it, "woman" feels much more like something done rather than something to be. How can I reconcile this notion with an identity differing from my external presentation? ->

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<- Is it just that gender identity reflects a very personal internal experience of gender which doesn't need justification via desires to be seen or interact differently? I guess it's probably always about some degree of perception: at the bare minimum self-perception. It's hard to get my head out of identity being an "objective" descriptor though.

How could I reason to a reasonable person why "woman" applies to me if I'm not doing external things right now? ->

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<- I'm happy to accept that some people's identities may change without any desire to change their external presentation or anything social, but I'm confused what it would mean for me before I start actually doing social/performative changes. In other words, it feels far more comfortable (and accurate) to describe myself as "wanting to be a woman" than already being one. I know this is somehow fundamentally wrong. (Trans women are women after all.) ->

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<- Externally right now, I'm presenting essentially as a cis man, so from an outsider's point of view, I appear a man (for now. Hormones coming soon!)

But while I still appear and present myself essentially as a cis man, what does it really mean for my identity to be otherwise, if not some sort of reflection of how I want to interact with the outside world? ->

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gender identity, ~, maybe -?, looking for information/guidance/others' experiences, probably some internalized shit?, loong post 

For those of you who've had to struggle with gender identity, I'm kinda stuck on something.

I get that gender has a bunch of different components (identity, social role, other performative stuff, etc.). Some of these components are internal and others are external.

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Please deploy self-care liberally this weekend. ✨


This is so stressful.

How do things keep getting worse?

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uspol, Floyd protest, unions (+) 

Oh, hells yes: The transportation union drivers are refusing to transport arrested demonstrators. vice.com/en_us/article/bv8zaw/

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