Sometimes you just want to feel like an asshole.
It’s not that the little things bother me really. It’s more that they keep piling on in rapid succession without being addressed. Someone says something in such a way as to leave things unresolved. There is no concrete request or question, just a statement, said in such a way as to ask me to do something with it.
“I’m going to the hospital. This is the address,” she said to me handing me a piece of paper. She couldn’t be bothered to ask me for a ride, or anything. So I have to stand here, like a schmuck and either ask her if she wants me there, or let her go. And I don’t even fucking know what she wants.
So she leaves, and I go sit down. I fucking hate this. What am I supposed to do with this. I don’t want to go to the hospital. I hate it there. I would have gone if she asked, but she didn’t. Did she want me there?
It’s all unresolved. If I ask, then I get the answer I don’t want to hear, and I go there. If I leave it alone, then I’m uncaring, and feel like shit. And don’t know anything. Is this the point where I’m supposed to realize I don’t even love her?
I hate this feeling. I get a drink. I turn on the television. I let the feeling sink back and away. Burned away by the alcohol. I ignore the feeling, and as the hour goes on, it gets easier to ignore.