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The more I agonize about how to do a thing, the likelier it is that I’ve already figured it out and then forgot about it later.

I don’t like the idea of mixing the essays I work so hard on with life updates, because my life updates seem exceedingly boring to me about nine times in ten. I worry that it dilutes whatever value there is in my body of work here. But maybe it doesn’t matter to everyone else the way it matters to me, you know? Maybe it’s not going to make it feel messy here.

It’s entirely possible that I’m overthinking this. After all, I’m the person who looks at my website the most, which is my own fault for keeping it eternally in a browser tab.

Which brings me to the thing I already thought of before: I was writing journal entries and then somewhere along the way, probably during one of my fallow periods of non-writing-ness, I forgot about them.

It’s that neurodivergent urge to reinvent the wheel except better this time. I wonder how much time I spend reinventing things that are already perfectly fine and good as they are. (Probably a lot)

unrequited crushes are pretty nice actually

I have a pleasantly enjoyable crush on a person that I’ve known for a while and that I’ve met IRL, although I don’t think I’m their type AND it’s a nervous kind of crush that keeps me from ever acknowledging it to that person so I will sit here and think fondly about them from time to time. I see them online here and there and it’s nice to read their thoughts about their special interests. I might have next to no idea what it is they’re talking about so earnestly, but one thing I love about us neurospicy people is how passionately we care about our special interests.

the sun is terrifying

I decided that I wanted to understand the data in the SpaceWeatherLive [www.spaceweatherlive.com] app and I did a relatively shallow dive into solar weather and now every time I get an update from the app that there is a coronal mass ejection or a solar flare or a radio emission, I imagine the sun just absolutely blasting solar energy into space and I feel extremely grateful that we have an atmosphere because guess who doesn’t? MARS, that’s who. Yikes.

maybe I’ll record myself playing modded Fallout 4

Sometimes I say funny one-liners and sometimes it’s when I play a game with plenty of dialogue to respond to. And I think it’s funny to watch someone play a game that they are not always very good at, because the mistakes are also funny.

I downloaded an open source software [obsproject.com] that I need to spend some time with to see if I can make it work properly with my setup, and I already have a pretty good microphone and there’s no reason for me to appear on camera, so I might try it. I *MIGHT*.

song stuck in my head: Vampire Smile

Baby, you need to leave,
‘Cause I’m getting drunk on your noble deeds.

It doesn’t matter that they don’t get done,
When I feel this cold, they’re like the fucking sun.

Baby, I need a friend,
But I’m a vampire smile, you’ll meet a sticky end.

I’m here trying not to bite your neck,
But it’s beautiful, and I’m gonna get
So drunk on you and kill your friends

Vampire Smile, Kyla La Grange

a short list

1. The new Samhain incense [seawitchbotanicals.com] from Sea Witch Botanicals smells very very nice
2. Favorite snack right now is Ritz crackers, slices of Muenster cheese cut into squares, and these spicy pickles [mcclures.com]. squares of American processed cheesefood (it’s NOT REAL CHEESE) will do in a pinch
3. I’ve been paying for a subscription to Microsoft 365 and I don’t know from which account because any of them I’ve logged into have no active subscriptions and it’s billed through PayPal which doesn’t have a handy cancellation link and probably, after many decades and I am dead, my descendants will be trying to cancel it; this also means that I cannot ever use it so fuck me I guess; do not recommend
4. English Breakfast Tea with a generous spoonful of honey and heavy cream
5. I spent a lot of time organizing my yarn and embroidery and cross stitch and whatnot into a large tub + three smaller tubs, plus one container of tools & needles, and one container for WIPs and I’m so pleased with it; so pleased that I have not done anything with those projects since organizing it all

it’s been rainy today but right now the sunshine is dancing on the wet leaves and it’s very pretty.

I’ll see you back here next time.

xox,
Nix

featured image is a black-and-white photo I took of my Loki shrine after I cleaned it and lit new incense and one of the candles

https://nixkelley.com/2023/october-7-journal/