I'm stuck in this super fucked up place rn were the last people I dated in a triad hurt each other really badly and one of them is my best friend who is uncomfortable with the idea of me talking to the other

so I cut off the other without hearing her side but I reconnected with her bc it didn't sit right with me

both of these people are dependant on me and i care so much about both of them but it feels like I have to choose which one of them to hurt and I can't do it I can't just

vent, sui ment 

I can't just willingly hurt someone like that I can't the one I cut off for a while tried to kill herself and I know I could have prevented it and it's just

there's just so much and I've broken a promise and it's a while mess and I'm terrible I fucking suck I wish I knew what to do I've lied to both of them bc I just can't let them go. I can't. I promised I wouldn't cut her off again and I also promised I wouldn't reconnect with her. what the FUCK is wrong with me

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and on top of it all I'm just this deeply fucked up person who can't stop hurting people and makes no effort to really address the issues leading to it I'm just so overwhelmed by my own bullshit why couldn't I have had a healthier childhood why didn't I learn how to handle relationships with other people why did I have to be such a selfish asshole why please how do I fix this

vent, meds 

oh and on top of all of this?? I'm struggling with Adderall. I can't fucking tell if I need it to be productive bc I'm ADHD or because I'm addicted to stimulants. it doesn't even help with my impulse control at all! it makes it easier to hyperfocus and that's it but since it's been back in my life I haven't gone a day without it and I can't detox from it and caffeine for a week bc I work full-time

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vent, meds 

@lovelace being in a situation where you don't have the space or time to adjust your routines and cycles and stuff like that really makes you feel /trapped/ in a extremely not fun way


@lovelace It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation on top of having a whole pile of other not fun shit to deal with, I really can't blame you for being overwhelmed, it sounds like way too much for one person to handle at the best of times. Sorry things are tough 💙


@lovelace You're examining it, which is more than most people can say

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